My faith journey has been long and winding, but the overarching pull and desire to learn about Jesus has stuck with me since I was a little girl. I grew up in a family environment where faith wasn’t discussed or a focus. Aside from attending Easter Sunrise Service with my grandma and the occasional church service where I always left feeling out of place, I was entirely unfamiliar with faith. As silly as it sounds, I was teased for not knowing the words to Bible songs on those occasional Sunday visits and that was enough for me to think “church isn’t for me.” I was maybe 8, but the impact was heavy.
Faith was put on the back burner.
In 7th grade I met a set of twins, the Chaneys, at school and we continued to become closer in high school. They were active in their church and youth group and invited me along several times. I had a great time and it restored my desire to learn (their youth group friends seemed fun!) At the same time, another friend was Jewish and I attended temple with her several times, along with her Bat Mitzvah, Chanukah events, and even her sister’s funeral - I was eager to learn about her faith and culture but ultimately knew that wasn’t quite the pull to my beliefs. Another friend in our group was Mormon. Again, me being social and sponge, I listened a lot and realized that although I didn’t fully understand what my beliefs were yet, they weren’t tied to that either. I believed in SOMETHING and SOME GOD, but I knew it was not that.
Faith was put on the back burner.
When my grandpa was sick my sophomore year of high school, I remember praying on the bus on the way to school. I had never REALLY prayed before that moment. I had participated in prayer over meals and at weddings, but this was the first time I recall really praying myself, to God, and it was to save someone’s life. Surely if God were real, this would work! My grandpa passed away that day. I remember being so angry because “it didn’t work, my prayer didn’t work.”
Another setback in my faith journey - I was again unsettled and didn’t know what to believe in. My desire to learn about God and Christianity had dimmed.
Faith was, again, put on the back burner.
High school happened and college was a blur. I went to a private art school and much of my surroundings felt political and not centered by faith - this weighed heavy and felt polarizing. It was my first opportunity to vote in an election, my opinions and views were forming as an individual, and I felt stuck. Stuck between believing in God and believing in equality/rights for all people. It felt like I couldn’t possibly believe in both. Guess what?
Faith took a pause again.
After college I became close with the Chaneys again. Weddings, babies, friend and family events took place with them. Paul & Jess Chaney’s oldest son, Ethan, asked me why I didn’t go to church and what I believed in. I looked at his parents and asked how I was supposed to answer a kid like that and Paul said, “Answer him honestly.” So I did. Ethan always talked about Jesus. Every time I visited their home, or their kids’ functions, faith came up and there I was left having conversations with a kid who was TEACHING ME. There was a biblical timeline on their wall and they broke Jesus’s life down into measurable events and steps on a literal timeline. As silly as this sounds, this was pivotal for me.
I was a very literal A-Z person (and still am) and I trusted in science. Now I had friends teaching me how science worked alongside God. And will you believe it? Jesus, too, had a life and timeline that was backed by facts and recollections just like science. I was back to learning and soaking up information like a sponge again - I was curious. I was in my 20’s, single and in and out of relationships that just weren’t for me, and as much as I wanted to dive further into my walk with Jesus, I wasn’t brave enough to do it on my own. My friends and their kids taught me a lot, but their church environment was a lot of large families with young kids and it came back to feeling like I didn’t fit in with that community, I wasn’t brave enough to seek out my own.
Then I met David.
David and I met on a dating app around Thanksgiving 2023. I remember his profile said his faith and family were important to him. The first time I visited his home, he had a yard sign showing the Christmas services at X Church. That first visit to church with him the next Spring, I remember praying for my twin sister and nephew Joey as she was experiencing critical pregnancy complications. My prayer “didn’t work” when I was 16 with my grandpa, but this one did. After surgeries and hospital stays, they were both healthy! Easter service 2024, I was moved by God and raised my hand to dedicate my life to following Jesus. I was still unsure of what that entailed, but I felt the pull and I was willing to take next steps. Faith was always terrifying and everything up until this point caused me to pause, but not anymore.
Ironically, David and I took a pause in our relationship, but I didn’t pause in my faith journey. The timing wasn’t right for us, but I asked if I could continue going to his church. I remember him telling me it wasn’t “his church,” it could be “mine too,” and that he would still support me in my faith journey because that walk was mine to take and separate from a relationship with him. Although, it didn’t feel separate, it felt easier with David there with me. We continued seeing each other at X Church that year. The first time I went alone, it took me the entire length of worship to get out of the car and go in, but I did it. My second time, I was moved to tears at church and I couldn’t understand why faith made me so emotional.
I kept going to X Church weekly. I was so proud to tell my friends the Chaneys that I had a church and I would often call Paul to tell him what I learned each week. Along with those conversations I was sharing details about David and how I was so drawn to him and how he made this new journey so much more comfortable.
David and I never pulled away. In fact, we got closer. The relationship we had paused had a central point that kept us coming back together on Sundays. It took a year, but at the same time I was building a foundation in my walk with Jesus, David was also building a foundation with me. By Spring 2025, I trusted and loved this man. Faith was still new, but it wasn’t intimidating anymore. I felt belonging, joy, love, and acceptance from my relationship with David and God. There was no polarizing fear, they felt connected and for the first time in my life, I felt peace and balance.
I attended Scripture Lab this year and learned so much. It felt like the adult version of the Sunday School class I didn’t fit into when I was 8, but this time I was welcome and okay admitting in my group each week that I was new. I was ready to learn from other people and expanded on what my friends and David had poured into me. At this point, my commitment to walk with Jesus no longer feels new or private. I’m ready to proclaim to others that I have a relationship with Jesus and that, while it took longer to get here and I’m still learning, I’m proud of where I am at in my life.
It may have taken 30 something years from Sunday School at 8, to youth groups in high school, uncertainty in college, chats with the Chaneys in my 20’s - to being in love with a man who has shown me peace and comfort for the first time in my life to realize Jesus was there the entire time and is more present now than ever because I fully trust in Him. I’m excited to take my next step in my journey with faith through baptism and would be honored to have all of the people who were patient enough to see me through this process for decades see my relationship with Jesus today. It’s still growing, and I’m still learning, but I’m ready to show my pride and excitement for the next chapter of growth.